11.4.2007
one of those days
It's been a long time since i last posted here. A lot of things happened already good and bad. Recently, i can't help myself but wonder what my life would be 2-5 yrs from now. Where I would be after graduation or would i even graduate from my 2nd course on the expected year which is 2009? I know it's 2 yrs from now but time flies so fast, i want things to be organized or planned before hand than worrying in the end or not even prepared in the future. However, lately i find myself confused in what i am doing --which is finishing my second course in order to get my license and teach elem kids.
My parents would always remind me that I am not getting any younger anymore.. i always feel that i am left out. At my age, i feel that i havent proven anything yet to myself, to my family, to friends and even to those people close to my heart. I feel ashamed at myself which depresses me a lot. BIGTIME!
Sometimes i would even think if i was too busy concentrating in my love life than concentrating in what i want to do in my life- career wise. Although, i know i should have no regrets because everything thats happening has its own reason. Sometimes i am caught with so much fear in me in facing the future most especially if i would be alone..I am thinking of moving out real soon outside Metro Manila or within Metro manila by myself.
Lately, ive been feeling that i am not paying much attention to myself anymore, that i love myself less than before. I think i should reinvent myself again and start loving myself more than anybody else.
My parents would always remind me that I am not getting any younger anymore.. i always feel that i am left out. At my age, i feel that i havent proven anything yet to myself, to my family, to friends and even to those people close to my heart. I feel ashamed at myself which depresses me a lot. BIGTIME!
Sometimes i would even think if i was too busy concentrating in my love life than concentrating in what i want to do in my life- career wise. Although, i know i should have no regrets because everything thats happening has its own reason. Sometimes i am caught with so much fear in me in facing the future most especially if i would be alone..I am thinking of moving out real soon outside Metro Manila or within Metro manila by myself.
Lately, ive been feeling that i am not paying much attention to myself anymore, that i love myself less than before. I think i should reinvent myself again and start loving myself more than anybody else.
Posted by mishca at 07:48 pm
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4.14.2007
thinking...
why do we sometimes feel that we finally found someone..
but then we start to doubt the person. It's not because you dont trust him/her. Probably, we are traumatised with our past relationships or simply afraid of falling in love again and it would just turn out bad like those times and in the end, the same thing would happen--getting hurt.
Although, it's normal to get hurt because we are just humans and we do have emotions but love at times kills us...it's like killing every cell we have in our bodies. Just waiting for us to die lil' by lil'.
They say Love conquers all...it does, does it? Until you feel numb in the end.....
you're then left paranoid, traumatised and bitter 'coz of love...
Sometimes we cant distinguish if the person we found.. is really the one?
However, we just need to trust our instincts. (scary most of the time) coz sometimes our instincts isnt that good. So, in the end we take risks......which is deadly!
We gamble... winning some, losing more....most especially, when we've given our all but that all was put into waste....
So, how can you really tell if that person you found is "the one"? By the look on his/her face? nah, i dont think so.... by his/her character....people change....and we can't stop it from happening... what if the person can prove at first that he/she can give his/her all? but in the end...........it's all goodbyes?
Call me prude... or bitter with love.. but isn't it true, that Love does Hurt a lot? Bigtime! Until now, i cant find the right answers to my questions or is it i think to much? maybe i do, i just don't want to commit the same mistake again......letting myself fall into that dark pit weeping...feeling lost and unwanted....which all i've ever wanted was to feel special and loved in return.
but then we start to doubt the person. It's not because you dont trust him/her. Probably, we are traumatised with our past relationships or simply afraid of falling in love again and it would just turn out bad like those times and in the end, the same thing would happen--getting hurt.
Although, it's normal to get hurt because we are just humans and we do have emotions but love at times kills us...it's like killing every cell we have in our bodies. Just waiting for us to die lil' by lil'.
They say Love conquers all...it does, does it? Until you feel numb in the end.....
you're then left paranoid, traumatised and bitter 'coz of love...
Sometimes we cant distinguish if the person we found.. is really the one?
However, we just need to trust our instincts. (scary most of the time) coz sometimes our instincts isnt that good. So, in the end we take risks......which is deadly!
We gamble... winning some, losing more....most especially, when we've given our all but that all was put into waste....
So, how can you really tell if that person you found is "the one"? By the look on his/her face? nah, i dont think so.... by his/her character....people change....and we can't stop it from happening... what if the person can prove at first that he/she can give his/her all? but in the end...........it's all goodbyes?
Call me prude... or bitter with love.. but isn't it true, that Love does Hurt a lot? Bigtime! Until now, i cant find the right answers to my questions or is it i think to much? maybe i do, i just don't want to commit the same mistake again......letting myself fall into that dark pit weeping...feeling lost and unwanted....which all i've ever wanted was to feel special and loved in return.
Posted by mishca at 08:35 pm
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4.4.2007
hello to techie life
Its been a long time since i blogged. Now, that i am back im pretty much excited to use my new notebook which i received last friday from my mum. I had to work from Mon-Wed while some were already enjoying their holidays. I was eagerly waiting for my salary to be given today but too bad they didnt release it.. darn!
I think i need to change the battery of this notebook because it doesn't last that long even though i charged it. The longest would be an hour. I stay longer though so probably i need to plug it in the outlet again.
Posted by mishca at 08:58 pm
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2.24.2007
with so much agony..
Two years from now, i hope to finish my second degree. Do what? Be what? that's a big question...would i be able to turn things differently now? would i survive all the challenges that i'd face in another chapter in my life? It's hard to admit but here it goes, i am weak ....good thing i was able to manage my sanity intact (most of the time).
I'm a nut case with an unknown disorder. help! I've attempted suicide when i was younger, many times that i can't remember. When i was so down, hurt i just felt of ending my life... i had no one turn to in my family only my friends. But, i can't just be a burden to them all the time, right?
Recently, i'm becoming crazy again...feeling down, alone, tired, hopeless and a lot more that i'm having a hard time explaining 'coz it's all bottled up inside me. It's hard to complain. Complaining doesn't cure things, it just makes it worse. so i keep it until when... i don't know.
I've been thinking of my sudden death. would my family be sad? would my friends be there in my wake? would those people i used to love come and see me for the last time? will they all cry? i don't know. I guess i just don't feel loved that's why. Maybe that's the reason why most of the time i would cry and would want to end my life to stop filling in the emptiness in me. Wise men would say it should be us filling in the emptiness and it shouldn't be others doing it for you. I agree, but wouldn't it be great to share whatever you have with someone who's also willing to share his whole life with you.....
I'm a nut case with an unknown disorder. help! I've attempted suicide when i was younger, many times that i can't remember. When i was so down, hurt i just felt of ending my life... i had no one turn to in my family only my friends. But, i can't just be a burden to them all the time, right?
Recently, i'm becoming crazy again...feeling down, alone, tired, hopeless and a lot more that i'm having a hard time explaining 'coz it's all bottled up inside me. It's hard to complain. Complaining doesn't cure things, it just makes it worse. so i keep it until when... i don't know.
I've been thinking of my sudden death. would my family be sad? would my friends be there in my wake? would those people i used to love come and see me for the last time? will they all cry? i don't know. I guess i just don't feel loved that's why. Maybe that's the reason why most of the time i would cry and would want to end my life to stop filling in the emptiness in me. Wise men would say it should be us filling in the emptiness and it shouldn't be others doing it for you. I agree, but wouldn't it be great to share whatever you have with someone who's also willing to share his whole life with you.....
Posted by mishca at 08:15 am
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2.24.2007
such a bugger....
It's been more than 3 weeks now since i started working on my 2 jobs-teaching in the morning and another teaching job in the afternoon. i've always wanted to do this all my life but sometimes im left with so much doubts in what i am doing or my purpose in life. it' s not that i'm loosing my faith in him. But life indeed is a challenge with tribulations that at times, you're lost and you just want to isolate yourself and be alone.
I am feeling that right now. I guess i am just exhausted with so much load i have. My first job in the morning tires me out, not because of my students but going there is such a hassle 'coz it's too far from my place. After, i have to attend my classes in the afternoon, leave school and go to my 2nd teaching job and back to my evening classes. I knew from the beginning that my 2nd job would tire me out but i still took it 'coz he's my old student and he's close to my heart.
If only i had enough means, i wouldn't do all these and look haggard in school.
Although, summer is fast approaching, maybe everything would lighten up including myself....
I am feeling that right now. I guess i am just exhausted with so much load i have. My first job in the morning tires me out, not because of my students but going there is such a hassle 'coz it's too far from my place. After, i have to attend my classes in the afternoon, leave school and go to my 2nd teaching job and back to my evening classes. I knew from the beginning that my 2nd job would tire me out but i still took it 'coz he's my old student and he's close to my heart.
If only i had enough means, i wouldn't do all these and look haggard in school.
Although, summer is fast approaching, maybe everything would lighten up including myself....
Posted by mishca at 08:02 am
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1.9.2007
what are the things i want to remove this yr?
There are so many things i want to remove this year and i dont know where to start. It's so hard to eliminate things that has been with me for quite a long time.. where do i begin?
- unwanted love handles
- my pimples
- negative vibes
- negative attitude
- unlucky items
- fear of stuffs
- love problems
- dusts in my room
Posted by mishca at 08:51 pm
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12.14.2006
How do u know if u really love him/her?
- you find time to be with her/him even for 15-30mins.
- you glance at her/him time to time
- you check on her/him even if it bugs her
- you send her/him short messages
- you tell her/him everyday you love her
- you compliment her/him on the thing she/he does if she excelled on her/him subjects or project..
- you compliment how she/he looks today or whole being.
- you hold her/his hand
- you assure her/him
- you caress her/his face gently
- you scratch her/his back when she feels itchy
- you massage her/him when he/she feels pain
- you embrace her/him with so much love
- you glance at her/his eyes with awe
- you kiss her/his lips gently
- you kiss her/him on her cheeks
- you smell her/him..
- you bring her/him food when she's/he's hungry
- you surprise her/him time to time.
- you tell her/him you miss her/him..
- you go on dates
- you sing her/him a song
- you write her/him a poem
- you write her/him love notes..
- you accept his/her shortcomings
- you love him/her without questioning
- you dont shout at her/him
- you respect each other
- you dont physically hurt each other
- you appreciate the things she/he gives you.
- you cook for her/him
- you give her/him small things
- you love her/him perfectly...
Posted by mishca at 10:33 am
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11.22.2006
ring..
May mga taong nagrereklamong nagising sila dahil sa ring ng phone.
naiinis dahil ayaw silang asarin, kahit hindi mo nman inaasar.
May mga taong napaka reklamador
na imbis na, hanapan ng solusyon ang isang bagay..
patuloy silang mag rereklamo ng kung ano-anong emosyonal ekek
na ala naman kakwenta kwenta.
May mga taong antok pa dahil napuyat raw
pwede naman matulog na lang ulit, kaysa mairita hanggang langit.
Mga tao talaga kanya kanyang sablay sa buhay.
May isip naman prang hindi ginagamit.
Ngayong, kung nagising rin kayo sa ring ng telepono
mainit ba ulo nyo?
paki katok naman ang ulo baka nangangalawang ito.
naiinis dahil ayaw silang asarin, kahit hindi mo nman inaasar.
May mga taong napaka reklamador
na imbis na, hanapan ng solusyon ang isang bagay..
patuloy silang mag rereklamo ng kung ano-anong emosyonal ekek
na ala naman kakwenta kwenta.
May mga taong antok pa dahil napuyat raw
pwede naman matulog na lang ulit, kaysa mairita hanggang langit.
Mga tao talaga kanya kanyang sablay sa buhay.
May isip naman prang hindi ginagamit.
Ngayong, kung nagising rin kayo sa ring ng telepono
mainit ba ulo nyo?
paki katok naman ang ulo baka nangangalawang ito.
Posted by mishca at 09:44 am
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